Backwards
by sparzelli
Summary: "Do you realize that every time you call me, something bad happens?" Dasey.


**A/N: **In which Casey and Derek attend the same university…

I don't know how I feel about this. It was written kind of late and all at once and on a whim. Tell me what you think.

**Disclaimer: **Life With Derek does not belong to me.

* * *

I.

* * *

This is his story in a nutshell: boy meets girl, boy falls in love, boy distracts himself, boy is a muff up, distraction tells him he's a muff up, shit gets wack, his life is wrecked.

But hey, back up, back up. Derek Venturi is a _director_. He is fully intent on telling the whole story, and he's not so big on deleted scenes either – a pro for you. And to keep things interesting? He'll consider changing up the ending…just for your viewing pleasure. Or maybe he can make it like one of those super fun Goosebump 'choose-your-adventure!' books, where if you walk down the wrong street/turn the wrong page/pick the wrong door you're screwed. Eh? Eh? Sounds peachy, right? Right.

This is how it really goes down: there is no picking and choosing which direction to go. It's not like a book where he can turn back the page if he doesn't like where he ends up. It's just him and his mistakes, cowering in a corner, director ambition be damned.

00

Derek is blind.

That, or the black sweater shoved in his face is permanently blocking his vision.

"Do you like this one?" A girl says, voice muffled from behind the wall of fabric.

"Yeah, it's very…holey," Derek manages. He gropes the air, waiting for his vision to be freed. The girl pulls the sweater back, her eyes watching his face carefully.

"You said that about the last one. And the white one ten minutes ago. Is something wrong with you?"

He blinks, his tongue twitching behind locked teeth. (He wants to tell her he fucking hates shopping, any guy with half a brain hates shopping, what the fuck does she expect from him?)

"I'm pretty starved," he finally says. "I'll go get us something to eat and meet you there. Golden?"

He walks away before she can say anything, simultaneously thanking Jesus he doesn't have to breathe in any more musty wool fumes and feeling bad for ditching his girlfriend.

Derek Venturi. Girlfriend. What?

If he's honest, he doesn't know how the hell he ended up with her. Well, he does, but – it's long. He likes her, he does. He does. A lot, actually. They've been together for a long time. He just struggles.

He ends up at Burger King even though he knows Kaya will hate it. He orders anyway to be a dick. Simply to indulge himself. (Why does she bother with him?)

"Okay, this is a bit complicated dude, can you keep up with me?" The kid behind the counter looks a bit wary, but Derek pushes on. Just to be a dick.

"Okay. It needs to be set up exactly like this. Bottom bun, lettuce leaf, tomato, meat, ketchup, mustard, onion, another lettuce leaf, bacon, and then the top bun. But the top bun has to have mayonnaise spread on it. Got that?" _Just to be a dick_, he grins at the cashier and flashes him a thumbs up. The guy stares at him a minute before putting in an order for a baconator, heavy on the mayo.

Derek frowns and flips him off. Just to be a dick. Kaya might hit him for this.

(At one point in time, he might have saved her the trouble and hit himself for being so goddamn whipped, but there comes a relationship in every guy's life when he lets himself be whipped for a girl he really cares about. He likes to, you know, spoil her. Give her what she wants.

Pffft.)

00

So, here's the thing: he and Kaya have an apartment together. She managed to get him a (pretty) steady job at the coffee shop she worked so they could afford it. He sometimes works late shifts, and when he comes back to the building she's fallen asleep on the couch watching HBO, and he picks her up and carries her into the bedroom and they fall asleep together. Sometimes he holds her, sometimes he doesn't.

It's like he lives a totally normal life. They wake up, she makes chocolate chip pancakes wearing his shirt, they go to class, work, come home and eat cheap takeout, then sleep. They manage to fit in friends, parties, and schoolwork (or at least _she_ does her homework, ha) while somehow maintaining their relationship.

It's a pretty nice setup. It's pretty normal. He's pretty happy.

Then bam, out of nowhere, Casey calls. She usually manages to interrupt heartfelt conversations, dinner, or really good sex without even meaning to (unless she's spying on him, which would be creepy as fuck).

She is either a) lost and needs help getting home, b) bothering him about something their parents called for or c) just plain bothering him.

He doesn't know what the fuck to make of her. He couldn't get away from her at home, he can't get away from her at university.

And here's a bit of dramatic irony: nobody knows that they're (step) siblings at school. Not even Kaya. As far as anybody knows, they're close friends. As if he would ever have been friends with a keener like her, unless he wanted her to do his work or tutor him or give him sexual favors (he never said that, you can't hold it against him) or some other weird shit.

It's a particularly stormy Saturday night and he's just gotten off a grueling shift at work and she calls him, her programmed ringtone – absolutely the most annoying, shrill ringing he could _possibly_ find – almost causing him to get in an accident. He can barely see, but he flips open his phone anyway.

"Jesus fuck shit balls, it's like you're _trying_ to kill me," he barks into the phone. "What the fuck do you want?"

"Derek, your language is highly offensive. You should watch your mouth, really, it's rather unbecoming. I can't believe you have the gall to kiss your girlfriend with that mouth, I bet that's where Marti is going to pick up all her bad habits from, and really you should –"

"Casey. What do you want."

"Oh, right," she breathes heavily into the phone. It's late, Kaya's waiting on him, and he missed a party that night because of work. He's in a shitty mood. "Well…I'm kind of at a party my roommate dragged me to, and she seems to have left, so…canyoucomepickmeup?"

He is silent for a full five seconds.

"What, am I your chauffer now? I just got off work and I'm tired, can't you call someone else?"

"Derek, who am I supposed to call? Please? I won't ask you for any more favors. Please?"

(She always, always asks him for more favors.)

There's nobody on the road but him. He stops at a red light, already knowing what happens next. If he stays silent for, maybe, 3…2…1…

"…Please?"

"This is never happening again. Where the fuck are you, anyway?"

"Thank you thank you thank you, it's on High Street, off of Abbey Oak – you know, near that little town center?"

"Yeah, yeah. I know."

"Thank you thank you thank you –"

"Fuck you," he cuts her off. He hangs up the phone before she can get offended. Of course he would go to pick her up. She's ruled his life since she and her stupid family moved in and took over like, seven years ago. Why would college be any different?

00

When he pulls up to the frat house twenty minutes later the storm is only getting worse.

(It matches his mood. Whenever he's forced into doing something nice for somebody, he gets in this weird antsy mood where he snaps at everybody. It even happens with Kaya sometimes – he feels sort of bad, but it changes nothing.

He's just one guy. What does everybody expect from him?)

Casey of course is still inside, chatting with some girl, and he has to honk no less than five times just to get her attention. When she finally runs outside to get in the car she struggles with the sticky handle before collapsing in the front seat.

She's soaking wet, her long brown hair sticking to her neck.

Just to be a dick: "You're dressed like a whore."

She scoffs. "Thanks a lot, Derek. And thanks for that lovely message before you hung up on me. Can you do me a favor and not talk to me like that?"

"Hey, who went out of their way to come pick you up in this shitty weather?"

"I said thank you! God," she mumbles. She crosses her arms, lacey shirt slick against her skin.

He sucks on his bottom lip. "I bet you need to stay the night again, too, don't you?"

She's silent in the wake of his question. (Ha. Score for Derek.)

"…Please?" she asks him quietly. He glances at her, blue eyes navy in the darkness, and shrugs.

"Like I have a choice."

She smiles a little, cooing mockingly. "Aw, thank you, big brother!"

"Ew," he frowns. "Don't pretend we're related. Marti is my sister. You're like Satan spawn that just won't leave me the hell alone. Or a leech."

She rolls her eyes. "Cute, D."

He turns up the radio a little.

"Was the party fun at least?" he manages.

She watches him. "Yeah. Samantha has that thing for blondes, you know, so that guy from the football team – Stan – he was there, so she obviously had no choice but to take him back home with her. She was pretty drunk…she'll end up doing something stupid and whining about it for a week before moving on to the next guy. You know the drill," Casey laughs.

He smiles at her a little. "I meant for you. Did you have fun?"

She shrugs, looking out the window. "Of course."

00

When they're finally inside the apartment, everything is black. Kaya managed to fall asleep in bed for once, not on the couch, something which Derek is grateful for.

(This isn't the first time Casey, who is supposed to be his 'friend from back home', has crashed at their house. It pisses Kaya off more and more every time it happens.)

He feels blindly for the key hook, hanging his on an empty slot before grappling in the dark for a light switch. He hits Casey in the face twice, snickering to himself when she tries to retaliate. When he finally turns on the switch he sees what she's really wearing. He rolls his shoulders until they pop when he sees the little black skirt, the see through lace top she's wearing flush against her skin from the rain.

"I'm glad you enjoy showing off for all the guys," he tells her.

"What the heck are you talking about?" she asks. His eyes drift down pointedly to her bra. She flushes.

"Derek!"

"What? You let everybody else see you. So what if I see?"

"Whatever, pervert," she mumbles.

He wants to hit her in the goddamn face.

He pulls off his jacket and tosses it on the kitchen table before taking off his t-shirt, giving it to her.

"Wear this. Anything is better to sleep in than that crap you think is a shirt. The blankets are in the basket by the couch, you know where the bathroom is…blah blah blah. I'm going to sleep. Try not to cause problems if you see Kaya in the morning."

"Yeah ha, ha, Derek, goodnight. I won't cause problems with your precious girlfriend."

He sneers at her once before turning to go to the bedroom.

Before he reaches the door, he pauses, closing his eyes and resting his head against the wall. He breathes deeply, trying to be as quiet as possible.

He hears a slight rustle, a little sigh escape her lips as she finally takes off her wet clothes, and he imagines how good her skin would feel under his hands, slick and smooth and soft. He rubs his temples.

"Fuck my life."

00

So here's the deal, a nice little side note for all you confused viewers out there: the Derek and Casey show did originally start out as planned. He really did hate her for a long time. But she's Casey. After a while, she grew on him. She helped him write a love song for Sally (although after a couple months things with Sally were pretty much just fucked), he did make her feel better after he ruined her prom, she did forgive him for the whole Emily-and-Derek-in-the-games-closet business, he was the one to take her home after Truman kissed her cousin at that party…

Somewhere along the line, he stopped being her step-brother and became her friend. And somehow that roughly translated into _falling in love with her._

And so now they were in college, and everything was ass backwards like some parallel universe, twilight zone, trippy shit, and she was out with her roommates partying and doing stupid things (like needing a place to stay at in the middle of the night or wearing a see through shirt in the rain) while he's the one with the girlfriend and apartment and job and steady life.

_Ass fucking backwards._

He doesn't know when his life spiraled out of his control, or when he became okay with letting it happen, or when he started sort of living vicariously through her. He doesn't even know when all this started happening with her. He couldn't pinpoint the moment if he was held at gunpoint.

Gunpoint, really? And he still wouldn't have any answers.

00

He wakes up the next morning, a blissfully lazy Sunday, to the smell of bacon and the sound of the television. Kaya isn't in bed anymore, and he slaps a hand to his forehead.

"Leaving this room is going to be hell."

He pulls on a t-shirt before wandering in to the kitchen. Unexpectedly, Casey stands at the stove making bacon and eggs. Kaya is sitting on the couch, her dark hair peeking over the top. He glares at Casey who waves, probably to mock him, before heading to the couch. He turns and falls over it backwards.

"Mornin' babe! Isn't it just a spectacular Sunday today?"

Kaya gives him a look, her brown eyes tired from beneath her lashes.

"What is she doing here again?" she says quietly. Derek takes the remote to turn up the volume on a Brady Bunch re-run (Brady Bunch? Really?) before taking Kaya's hand.

"Okay, look, I was heading out from work last night and she called me because she needed a place to stay. Her roommate ditched her again for some dude. It's not so bad, really, I promise."

"Derek, she's wearing your _clothes!_"

"Sh!" Derek reminds her.

"No, don't tell me to sh! I can be as loud as I want, this is _our_ apartment! Goddammit!"

"Kaya, come on. I'm sorry. It's not that bad, I promise."

"Yeah, well this needs to stop happening, Derek. Okay?"

He sighs. "Okay."

"Promise!"

"Jesus, okay, I promise."

He flips back up over the edge of the couch and holds his head at the onslaught of stars in his vision.

"Bacons done! Do you want some eggs, Derek? I already made Kaya and I some," Casey calls cheerfully. He glares at her idly, his eyes saying what his mouth can't. She smiles back, still wearing his shirt.

He hates awkward breakfasts. They really ruin his day.

* * *

II.

* * *

He's blissfully Casey-free until the following Wednesday when she calls him. He's walking to his second class of the day when the shrieking bells from his phone cause him to drop everything.

"Fuck!"

He answers the phone, stooping to pick up his binders.

"Do you realize that every time you call me, something bad happens?"

"Yeah, okay, great, but I have a really serious problem!"

"Are you dying?"

"No?"

"Is someone from the family dying?"

"No…?"

"Then it's probably not that serious."

He hangs up on her. She calls back 10 seconds later.

"Don't hang up on me, Derek! It's about _relationships!_"

(This, of all things, catches his attention more than anything else could. She might as well have slapped a hockey puck into his throat.)

"…Fine. What about them."

"So what happens when you meet the right boy under the wrong circumstances?"

His heart staggers.

"What the hell are you talking about, Casey?"

"Like if you're…like if you're really drunk, and you meet this guy, and you go home with him or something stupid like that, if you wake up and you actually like him instead of regretting your bad drunk decisions, is it okay to pursue a relationship with said boy?"

Derek clenches a fist. What the fuck was she doing getting drunk and going home with random guys?

"Not at all. That's not okay. It's never okay. The boy is using you. It's a bad, bad decision. Break it the fuck off."

"Harsh? Okay, then," Casey says over the other line. She sighs wistfully. "If you say so." She hangs up uncharacteristically fast.

Derek throws a binder at a passing freshman who scampers away under the heat of his glare.

"Goddammit!"

00

Okay, so he knows how college life works. He may not participate in it fully anymore, but he knows! He _knows!_

There are the stupid horny boys who don't get their shit together in high school, (at one point, this was him, what the fuck happened to his life? It's like it got sucked straight down the crapper as soon as he got a girlfriend) and they like to steal innocence from girls who kept their shit together in high school, and who was he to expect Casey to be immune to these guys?

And yeah, Casey was a pretty attractive girl-woman-person, thing, _whatever, _but did she really need to dress so provocatively?

She was acting like one of those girls that was so reserved in high school that as soon as they got to college they cracked from all the peer pressure and ended up being addicts with STD's and super nasty crap like that, and he _was not going to let that happen_.

He wanted his life back. What the hell.

00

She calls him that Friday, voice questioning:

"What if the boy asks the girl on a date? A real date?"

"Fucking _no_, Casey!"

00

He sits at the kitchen table with Kaya, struggling through a film assignment while she simultaneously struggles through calculus review.

He stares holes into his phone.

He hopes to God that Casey didn't go on a date with whatever asshole she meant. Kaya senses his anger and puts a hand on his arm.

"Is something wrong?"

Derek's eyes flit up to hers, her tousled curls briefly distracting him.

"I think Casey might be on a date with some guy she met."

Kaya pauses, removing her hand. "That's what's stressing you out?"

"I don't want her to be out with some guy who's trying to get her drunk and get in her pants or something, I mean come on, she sometimes has really shitty judgment, because she never used to fit in so she always feels the need to do stupid shit to make up for like _lost time_ or something, I don't know what the hell her motives are, I mean whatever. But you think she would recognize a bad guy."

Kaya tilts her head, discreetly pushing his phone away.

"I think Casey is a big enough girl to handle herself, Derek. Why don't you try to concentrate on your assignment?"

"Yeah, yeah, you're right," he says. He glances at his paper.

_Think of a story you would want to tell. Describe how you want the story to be told. Factor in all assets of production, including limitations, when considering how to tell your story. In an essay no less than 1000 words, explain how…_

Five minutes later, he's tapping his foot and thinking about Casey again.

(His brain is programmed to go back to doing the same pain in the ass thing it always does almost instantly after he tries to stop; five minutes is a miracle for him.)

Kaya stomps on his foot and leaves early for work.

00

He doesn't hear from Casey for a long time.

(In reality, it's only a week or so. Now, a normal person, being as concerned as he was, would have simply called her or something themselves, but he chooses to see this as some weak sort of form of giving in and simply waits for her.

He's such a girl sometimes.)

She stops by without even asking, and luckily, Kaya is taking an extra chemistry class that has her out for a couple extra hours on Thursdays.

Casey throws his front door open, falling all over herself in an effort to find where he is as fast as possible (or so he likes to think).

He, unfortunately, has a mouthful of cheerios that he promptly spits all over the floor.

"Mmph – what – what is your goddamn problem! After all the whining you used to do about knocking, why can't you do it yourself?" Milk drips off his chin and onto his bare chest.

"I need your help again!" she whines. She clasps her hands and shuffles into the kitchen, pulling out a chair to sit next to him.

"If it's about relationships, I refuse to help you," he scowls.

"You have to! Paul won't pick up his phone anymore! I'm worried that he changed his number again or something!"

"You…_what_? You still talk to our _high school counselor_?"

Casey holds her chin in the air. "Paul will always be my trusted confidant," she sniffs. "And anyway, quit distracting me! Relationships! So what if this guy is like, pushy?"

Derek grips the table until his knuckles ache.

(He wants to break off a piece and throw it at her stupid face).

"Pushy…how?"

"Like he really wants this date! What if you _really think_ he's a good guy? Like you _really, really think_ he's a good guy? Then would it be okay?"

"Casey…"

"What if there's flowers involved?"

"Flowers?"

"Yeah! Flowers," she wiggles her eyebrows and smiles at him. She bounces a little in her seat.

Derek pauses. Flowers. Whoever this guy is, he wants to punch him in the throat, _hard._

"…No. He's obviously trying to instill a fake sense of trust to get whatever he wants."

Casey pouts. "This isn't any fun then…"

Derek snorts. She looks at him funny.

"Wait. Did you just use the word 'instill' in a sentence?"

00

He and Kaya have just gotten back from a shift at work, and the apartment is dark and welcoming. He's not thinking about Casey for the first time in a long time. He feels blessed to be free of her, even for just a little.

(Doesn't thinking about how he's not thinking about her count as thinking about her, really? Doesn't it?

…)

Kaya turns to him, smiling. "God, that dragged on forever, I'm so glad it's over." He nods in affirmation.

"Yeah. Is it just me, or does work seem to get worse every time we go?"

She smirks, reaching up to wrap her arms around his neck. "I know how to make it better…"

"Oh, do you?" He smiles, leaning down to kiss her. After a minute, they break apart. She breathes heavily into his ear.

"Derek…" she sighs. He hoists her up against the nearest wall, their skin sliding easily against each other. He buries his hand in her hair, the curls wrapping around his fingers. She smells like coffee and sugar.

He kisses her neck.

His relationship is good. It works well. It functions. It survives. He survives.

He carries her to the back of the apartment, his smile a façade.

(Why does he have to survive with her and not live? What's wrong with him?)

* * *

III.

* * *

He runs into Casey when he's downtown picking up lunch at a deli for him and Kaya. She's with some guy he doesn't recognize, and his insides fizz. If she's on a date, he might throw up. Or punch a wall. He'd punch the dude, but the dude is big.

(This is the perfect example of how this isn't one of those 'choose-your-adventure' books, because he so would have turned back and left this future a distant memory.)

He opens the door to the shop and watches her. She laughs and puts her hand on the guys arm. He picks up his and Kaya's order before glaring at her one last time, finally managing to catch her eye before he leaves to his car.

As soon as he puts the key in the door to unlock it, she runs outside after him.

"Derek, wait! Stop for a second!"

He pauses before telling himself that no, he doesn't owe her anything. He doesn't need to stop.

He continues before she places her hand idly on his, effectively stopping him.

(Curse her and the power of her hands.)

"Why didn't you say hi?" She looks up at him and doesn't know at all. She understands nothing.

"Why don't you go back to play with your boy toy, Case? I'm sure he misses you."

She blinks, shocked and confused.

"Derek? No, you've got it all wrong…"

"Do I, Casey? I'm not blind. I think I get it." He pushes her away and finally unlocks his door. He moves to get in before she stops him again.

"What? Why are you getting angry…? Let me explain, please? You're confused."

"I – Goddammit, Casey, I'm not confused!" He grabs her shoulders and pushes her against the car, pressing against her. He lets his face fall near her hair, breathing deeply. She shivers into him.

"What–"

"I haven't been confused for a long time."

Just to be a dick, he bites her ear.

Derek lets his lips brush over her cheek before resting right above her own. He steals her breath, speaks quietly. "Why can't you just let me be?"

He leans his forehead on hers, enjoying the way she falls a little into him, the way she subconsciously presses her lips to his neck before he lets her go and gets in his car and finally, finally drives away.

00

When he gets home, Kaya can tell he's angry. He drops the bag from the deli on the kitchen table before sitting down harshly in a chair to take off his shoes.

She walks in from watching television to put a hand on his shoulder. Without thinking, he shrugs it off. He misses the hurt look on her face.

"What's wrong, Derek?"

"Nothing," he grinds out. This is definitely not something he can talk about to Kaya, of all people.

(He can picture how it would turn out. Him: So hey, Kaya, by the way, Casey is actually my step-sister of seven years, and although I used to hate the sight of her I now love her to holy hell, and even though she doesn't know this, I still get pissed off when she hangs around other guys, what do you think about that?

Yeah, like that would turn out well. He may not be a physics major but he's definitely not stoopid anymore.)

"I know it's not nothing…I wish you would talk to me about it," Kaya sighs. He throws his hands in the air. Fuck it.

"Honestly, there are some things that even if you talk about them, nothing changes. This is one of those things. I don't see the point in bitching about my stupid problems when nothing's going to change. If I want to keep my damn mouth shut and make myself suffer, so she can be blind and stupid, I think I'm entitled to let myself suffer as a fucking punishment."

He shakes his head. Kaya looks confused. "What?"

Derek puts his head in his hands. "Casey. She met this stupid guy when she was drunk or something and I guess she went home with him, and now he's trying to trick her and manipulate her into being in, like, a _relationship_ with him or something. It's bullshit," he seethes. "She thinks he likes her, but he's just using her."

Kaya takes a minute.

"Okay. Want to know what I think?" she says, a little frustrated.

"Sure, whatever."

"If she really went home with him drunk, then chances are he probable already got what he wanted from her."

Derek stands, turning angry eyes on her. "What? Kaya –"

"No, stop, hear me out. So if this guy already got what he wanted, what would be the point of trying to further pursue something with Casey? Unless he actually liked her? There really would be _no_ point. It's probably legitimate. And you don't know if he actually likes her or not."

He considers this for a minute. She's probably right. Why didn't he think of that…?

He sighs. "Yeah, well, it's still aggravating, you know? Who gets drunk and goes home with random people?"

"As if you've never done it," Kaya laughs.

"But you don't get it!"

She takes a step back.

"Casey is different! She never used to be like this! In high school, she was a straight up keener –"

"Keener?"

"–who didn't do anything wrong, she was like the goddamn golden child, and all these guys all had crushes on her and she was fucking oblivious, and she was so OCD and such a perfectionist she had to go talk to the stupid school counselor, like, every day just to get through a week, and I'm pretty sure she _still talks to him_, and I'm the one that used to do all of the bad things, not her, and I just – I don't know – _what if I rubbed off on her?"_

His shoulders heave, and Kaya stares at him.

Derek shrugs a little, anger deflating. "What if I gave her all of my bad habits and bad tendencies? What if we just…switched everything? What if…I don't even know anymore."

Kaya looks at him, her coffee eyes deep and still.

"Why does it matter to you so much? Why do you have to care so damn much about her, or her stupid habits, or who she goes home with, or whatever? _Who cares?"_ She yells.

Derek flinches. "I care, Kaya! I care! It's a big deal! She's better than that!"

"Well if you care so much about her, then why don't you go be with her?"

She's tearing up, and Derek's fist unclenches. (Oh, well, saw this coming.)

"I'm sick of her always needing you to drive around and pick her up, and her always needing a place to stay in the middle of the night, and I'm sick of you always saying yes to her. I can't stand how you obsess over what she does and who she sees! We're all adults here, and we can take care of ourselves, yet you can't just _let her be!" _Kaya's lips tremble and tears fall over her nose. Derek knows he should feel bad.

"Why can't I be enough for you?" she whispers.

(Here he is, living with his girlfriend of many months, and all he can worry about is Casey, probably still at that deli with a guy she got drunk and went home with. There are so many things wrong with this scene that he should be fired as a director.)

00

This is what he's starting to think: his life is ass backwards because he and Casey _switched personalities_.

Really.

He has a steady job, a steady girlfriend, he does his schoolwork, he maintains grades. He's a pretty good kid.

She goes out and gets drunk and goes home with random guys. (As much as he hates to admit it that used to be something he did with random girls.)

Where did they go wrong? When did he let her get out of control? As if she he could have stopped it, like he had some control over her in the first place. As if he himself ever had control over anything, ever, pfffft, who was he kidding?

His life was a giant game of dice.

00

He turns his phone on silent so as to ignore any possible phone calls from Casey trying to discuss _relationships_ with him. Kaya sort of walks on eggshells around him, and he almost feels bad, but the emotions don't quite bubble up the way they should. He can't make himself feel bad for blowing up at her the other day.

It's nearing the end of the school year, and he's going to have to spend long periods of time at home with Casey. He's dreading that. He can't handle being that close to her, because let's be honest, being that close to somebody that drives him fucking crazy is probably not good for his health.

When he finally turns his phone volume up and checks missed calls, he sees over 10 from Casey plus a couple voicemails. He deletes the voicemails without bothering to listen to them before calling her back.

"What do you want?" he demands. She groans over the other line and his insides knot.

"What haven't you been picking up? Where have you _been?"_

"God, mom, I was living my life, is that suddenly against the law?"

"Derek, I was worried about you!"

She sounds upset. He sighs. "Good for you. What do you want?"

"Well…first of all, _we really need to talk…"_

He hangs up on her, pulls out his phone battery, and throws it between the couch cushions. No more.

_No more._

00

As it is, Kaya breaks up with him. She 'can't take his preoccupations with Casey all the time', and 'their relationship has changed too much' and 'they aren't right for each other anymore', and although he knows he could probably work at it and get her back, he doesn't. He's sad that their relationship is over. They were together a long time. He didn't love her, he knows that, but she was still important to him.

In the back of his mind, he's cussing out Casey for fucking up his relationship.

(It's actually his fault for obsessing over her. But it makes him feel better, at least a little. And every director recognizes the importance of a good scapegoat.)

00

He's watching That 70's Show re-runs when Casey bursts through his door days later.

"Derek Venturi!" she screams. She picks up his keys from the key rack and throws them at his head.

"Ow! What the hell! What is wrong with you, woman!"

He stands up as she throws an umbrella at him, resting against the wall beneath the keys.

"Stop throwing things at me!" he yells at her.

"What's wrong with me?" she screams. "What's wrong with _you!"_

"What are you talking about, Casey?" He uses a pillow to block a shoe.

"Why do you always have to hang up on me? Why do you have to avoid me all the time? What did I even do?"

She stomps over to him, slapping him in the face. He glares at her and grabs her wrist when she goes for take two.

"Why did you get so close to me just to pull away?" she asks, her eyes clear and shining up at him. He looks at her, really looks at her, and takes it all in.

"You know Kaya broke up with me?" he tells her suddenly.

Her face goes blank.

"Why are you changing the subject?" She asks suspiciously. "What happened?"

"You happened."

Casey flinches before becoming offended.

"Now don't blame the fact that your relationship didn't work out on _me_, Derek."

"But it _is_ because of you. Not directly, sort of, kind of, it's complicated. You see…"

He takes a step forward, putting his hands on either side of her face. His thumb brushes over her lip. "I've loved you this entire time. For a long time, actually."

He watches her for a moment before letting go and glaring at her. "Although you've clearly been busy."

Casey's face crunches up awkwardly. "Okay, let me set you straight. These relationship problems I've been talking about _are not mine_. This whole time, I was talking about Samantha and Stan. You know, the guy she met at the party? The whole reason I had to stay over the other night?"

Derek shifts uncomfortably. "Oh," he says simply. He thinks for a minute. "_Oh._ Well this changes…Well this changes everything, Casey! Goddammnit!"

She throws her hands up in frustration. "I tried to tell you, but you kept hanging up on me!"

"Do you realize that if I had known that before it could have changed the entire outcome of my relationship with Kaya?"

She laughs at him. "Marginally. But you love me," she reminds him.

"Yeah, but even so. There's – wait. You don't seem surprised. You…"

"As if I didn't know, Derek," she smiles a little at him, her lips twitching up at the corner.

She picks at the hem of her top. "What do you think all of this craziness is for? You know I don't go to parties, or drink, really, or do any of those things…or dress like a, like a slut…it was to try to get your attention. But here you were, with Kaya, settling down…"

She looks around at the apartment.

It's true. He had genuinely lived here with another human being, practically settled down, for months. He shifts his weight from one foot to another, watching Casey's face shift.

"I know," he says. He takes a step towards her. "And I know things might have gotten a little messy."

She nods. He reaches for her, but before he can do anything she lunges forward and kisses him solidly. He holds her waist to steady her rocking frame before they pull apart.

"We can fix it," she says simply.

And at this point he realizes, there had never been any strange switching of personalities. There had been no random guy she got drunk with that he was going to have to beat up. Everything had just gotten mixed up, that was all, and blown out of proportion, and confusing. Everything was utterly…fixable.

And Derek smiles, for real, because he knows she's right, and they can just _be_.

She doesn't need to say she loves him back at that exact moment. They don't need to figure out exactly what to do. He doesn't need to hang up on her anymore. They're not perfect, they never had been and probably never would be, but things were falling into place one messy step at a time.

00

In the end, he finally finishes his overdue film assignment.

Here's the story he chooses to tell: boy meets girl, boy falls in love, boy distracts himself, boy is a muff up, distraction tells him he's a muff up, shit gets wack, his life is wrecked…girl sticks around, life goes on.

It all boils down to taking an interest piece and picking one story line to follow, even if it's the tiniest thread branching off from the main arc.

Every story deserves to be told.

* * *

**(fin)**


End file.
